“The first sip of beer on a hot day is like that first finger-dip when you open a new jar of peanut butter.”

“Your fate is like a new jar of peanut butter. It may be sealed, but you can choose whether it is smooth or crunchy.”

“No, you're a child because of the way you eat peanut butter. No one over the age of ten should finger dip jars and as I'm being kept in the dark over your age, I assume that you are over ten.”

“I mostly eat peanut butter sandwiches. Peanut butter and banana, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and potato chips, peanut butter and olives, and peanut butter and marshmallow goo. So sue me, I like peanut butter.”

“I want to scrape earwax out of your ears like the last of the chunky peanut butter in a jar. I’d love it if you ate one of my world famous Listening Sandwiches.”

“You can spread jelly on the peanut butter but you can't spread peanut butter on the jelly.”