“Germs contagious, contagious alert!But Edwart and Purell are stronger than dirt!”

“Germs contagious, Contagious alert! But Edwart and Purell are stronger than dirt!”

“Muurp," muurped Edwart.”

“We began to butterfly kiss, which is when you touch your eyelashes to the other person's skin. I was going to respect Edwart's desire to wait, and he was going to respect my desire for winged creatures.”

“About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him -- which I assumed was wildly out of his control -- that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he has kissed me.”

“They all got really quiet and started to lick their lips, closing in on Lucy. I started to lick my lips, too, because it's one of those subconcious, contagious things like sneezing, but then I stopped because it just isn't worth it if you forgot to bring ChapStick.”

“After dinner, Edwart took me upstairs to see his room. At the top of the stairs was a giant wooden cross."Ironic, huh?" Edwart said."Why?" I asked with trepidation, imagining that, at any second, Edwart would turn into dust, which I would then sweep up and disperse over my furniture so he would always be with me."Because we're Jewish, of course--nonpracticing.”