“Veritas, truth”

“And don't trouble yourself too much if you don't laugh at what you are about to read, for if you perk up your pink little ear, you may hear the silvery tinkling of merriment in the air, far, far away . . . . It's us, buster. Ching!”

“The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire. Pretty much all my crushes have been one or the other. One guy, actually, was both big and a vampire, but he turned out to be gay.”

“I'll have AB positive', I told Josh when he returned from the dance floor, 'What's it made of? Apples and Bananas?'-Belle Goose”

“I was so attracted to him I could have peed myself right there on the spot, but I hadn't done anything like that in a while. I was older now, and harnessed my feelings in moments like these by opening and closing my fists very rapidly.”

“He made small talk on the way about how he was abandoned as a child and will only rest easy once he is avenged. His name was Tom.”

“Germs contagious, contagious alert!But Edwart and Purell are stronger than dirt!”