“It is not a Christmas tree!" said the King, so firmly that all the girls stopped jumping about. "This is a house of mourning. It is nothing more than a tree. I thought it would look nice. Inside. That is all.”

“The perfect Christmas tree? All Christmas trees are perfect!”

“For instance," said the boy again, "if Christmas trees were people and people were Christmas trees, we'd all be chopped down, put up in the living room, and covered in tinsel, while the trees opened our presents.""What does that have to do with it?" asked Milo."Nothing at all," he answered, "but it's an interesting possibility, don't you think?”

“Yes! I did [grow up on a Christmas Tree farm], so this is a good season for me. I was too young to help with the hauling of the trees up the hills and putting them onto cars. So, it was my job to pull off the preying mantis pods off of the Christmas trees. The problem with that is if you leave them on there, people bring them into their house. I forgot to check one time and they hatched all over these people’s house. And there were hundreds of thousands of them. And they had little kids, and they couldn’t kill of them because that’d be a bad Christmas.”

“Jeez! I thought you said you were just gonna set up the tree? It looks like Santa shit Christmas in here!”

“You have more balls than a Christmas tree.”