“I wanted to apologize but what could I say? I’m sorry but I’m afraid my fangs might freak you out. Oh and by the way my eyes sort of glow in the dark when I get excited. I hope you’re cool with that.”

“Look, I owe you a kind of explanation. I know you probably think I’m a horrid bitch from the plant Schizophrenia, but I’m honestly not trying to mess with your head. I’m just messing with my own head and I seem to have dragged you along the ride. I think you’re nice to me and that scares the fuck out of me. Because when a guy’s a jerk or an asshole, it’s easier because you know exactly where you stand. Since trust isn’t an option, you don’t have to get all freaked out about maybe having to trust him. Right now I am thinking about ten things at the same time, and at least four of those things have to do with you. If you want to leave right now and drive home and forget my name and forget what I look like, I wouldn’t blame you in the least. But what I’m trying to say is that if you did that I would be sorry. And not just sorry in an I-apologize-I’m-so-sorry way, but sorry in a sad-that-something-that-could’ve-happened-didn’t way. That’s it. You can go now. Or we could stay for Where’s Fluffy when Toni’s set is over. I think they’re playing a surprise show here tonight.”

“At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say what I want to.”

“It happens when I get really excited. The more excited I get, the more I vibrate.”“Now there’s a thought,” Lor says.“If you mean what I think you mean, you want to shut the fuck up and never think it again,” Ryodan says.“Just saying, boss,” Lor says. “You can’t tell me you didn’t think it, too.”I never understand half of what these dudes are talking about and don’t care. “You can touch me if you want to,” I say to Lor magnanimously. I’m so pumped on adrenaline and excitement that I’m feeling downright sociable. I poke one of my shoulders toward him. “Check me out. It feels really cool.”All heads swivel my way, then they look back at Ryodan.“He doesn’t own my fecking shoulder. Why you looking at him?”

“Oh God, he thought. “I’m sorry, I thought I heard you say to come in.”“I did.”“But you’re only wearing a towel.”“What is it with you guys and towels? It’s not like I’m naked.”

“I am greedy with water. I made your apology tea dry. I’m sorry. You might try snorting it out of the bag.”