“Bad enough that getting turned on when he had nothing more than a bath towel to hide it would make the condition kind of hard to miss, but getting turned on in front of his ex-fiancee was akin to smearing honey on his junk and walking into grizzly territory.”

“The Howard Hughes thing hadn’t actually sounded like such a bad deal until about...oh, eight thirty-five this morning. Something about having his ex carry him to the bathroom and help him wash his balls just took all the fun out of becoming an eccentric recluse.”

“You know what, Gwen?" he managed, once he'd caught his breath.-"What?""I'm glad you picked me as your birthday present." -Ethan Banks”

“It made him feel like less of a man. And given how much less of a man he’d felt the past several weeks, that was really saying something. He was surprised someone from the Man Club hadn’t come by to revoke his dick and balls.”

“. . . she jumped to her feet and hurried off, returning only seconds later with a dark brown bottle and a coffee mug that said And then Buffy staked Edward. The End.”

“What if his advisor found out? Would getting caught having public sex do something to his teaching assistantship? Would he still be able to get a job? Would getting felt up in a laundromat inadvertently lead to him living on the streets, starving and exposed, selling his body for sex, which meant he would contract a disease and die?”

“[when]asked, “What should I do if I want to become a writer?”“Well,” Doris said, with that steely twinkle in her dark eyes, “My best advice foryou, honey, is to stop if you possibly can! And if you just can’t, then get ready to worklike hell. Hang onto your day job. And remember, you may not make a living, but you’llmake a wonderful life.”