“How did I know? Paul, I've known since you were eight and I caught you masturbating in front of the TV to Bo and Luke Duke.”

“You could have fooled me. Everytime I called you, Luke said you were sick. I figured you were avoiding me. Again.""I wasn't. I did want to talk to you. I've been thinking about you all the time.""I've been thinking about you, too.""I really was sick. I swear. I almost died back there on the ship, you know.""I know. Everytime you almost die, I almost die myself.”

“I love you, Em. I've loved you since I was eight years old, and I'll love you my whole life.”

“Basically, I realized I was living in that awful stage of life between twenty-six to and thirty-seven known as stupidity. It's when you don't know anything, not even as much as you did when you were younger, and you don't even have a philosophy about all the things you don't know, the way you did when you were twenty or would again when you were thirty-eight.”

“Seizing an imaginary microphone, Dennis adopts a limp Estuary accent: 'Masturbating's changed a lot since I were a lad, Brian. In my day, we masturbated for the sheer love of it. Day and night we did it, all the kids on our estate, masturbating on the old waste ground, masturbating up against the wall of the house... I remember me mam coming out and shouting, "Stop that masturbating and come in for your tea! You'll never amount to anything if all you think about is masturbating!" Masturbating crazy we were. Your young masturbators today, though, it's all about the money, it's all about agents and endorsements. Sometimes I worry that the masturbating's in danger of being squeezed out altogether.”

“You like playing with fire, don't you, Paul?""Only since I met you." -Paul and Martie”