“Rules for Living by Olivia Joules1. Never panic. Stop, breathe, think.2. No one is thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves, just like you.3. Never change haircut or color before an important event.4. Nothing is either as bad or good as it seems.5. Do as you would be done by, e.g. thou shalt not kill.6. It is better to buy one expensive thing that you really like than several cheap ones that you only quite like.7. Hardly anything matters: if you get upset, ask yourself, "Does it really matter?"8. The key to success lies in how you pick yourself up from failure.9. Be honest and kind.10. Only buy clothes that make you feel like doing a small dance.11. Trust your instincts, not your overactive imagination.12. When overwhelmed by disaster, check if it's really a disaster by doing the following: (a) think, "Oh, fuck it," (b) look on the bright side, and if that doesn't work, look on the funny side. If neither of the above works then maybe it is a disaster so turn to items 1 and 4.13. Don't expect the world to be safe or life to be fair.”

“No one is thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves, just like you.”

“A Decalogue of Canons for Observation in Practical Life:1. Never put off to tomorrow what you can do to-day.2. Never trouble another with what you can do yourself.3. Never spend your money before you have it.4. Never buy a thing you do not want, because it is cheap, it will be dear to you.5. Take care of your cents: Dollars will take care of themselves.6. Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst and cold.7. We never repent of having eat too little.8. Nothing is troublesome that one does willingly.9. How much pain have cost us the evils which have never happened.10. Take things always by their smooth handle.11. Think as you please, and so let others, and you will have no disputes.12. When angry, count 10. before you speak; if very angry, 100.”

“Nuala shot me a hard look. "Shut up. I don't think love has anything to do with how the other person is. I mean, maybe a little. I think what really matters is you yourself. Like, you know, let's say you lo- really liked a self-involved ass. That doesn't matter. What matters is how that ass makes you feel. If you feel like the best person in the world when you're with him, that's what makes you like him. It really isn't about how nice of a person he is at all.”

“1) Never trust a cop in a raincoat.2) Beware of enthusiasm and of love, both are temporary and quick to sway.3) If asked if you care about the world's problems, look deep into the eyes of he who asks, he will never ask you again.4) Never give your real name.5) If ever asked to look at yourself, don't look.6) Never do anything the person standing in front of you can't understand.7) Never create anything, it will be misinterpreted, it will chain you and follow you for the rest of your life.”

“Keep thinking back about what Mum said about being real and the Velveteen Rabbit book (though frankly have had enough trouble with rabbits in this particular house). My favorite book, she claims of which I have no memory was about how little kids get one toy that they love more than all the others, and even when its fur has been rubbed off, and it's gone saggy with bits missing, the little child still thinks it's the most beautiful toy in the world, and can't bear to be parted from it.That's how it works, when people really love each other, Mum whispered on the way out in the Debenhams lift, as if she was confessing some hideous and embarrassing secret. But, the thing is, darling, it doesn't happen to ones who have sharp edges, or break if they get dropped, or ones made of silly synthetic stuff that doesn't last. You have to be brave and let the other person know who you are and what you feel.”

“I was thinking about attraction. I have this theory on it. On love." She wouldn't look at me.I swallowed, but managed, "This ought to be good."Nuala shot me a hard look. "Shut up. I don't think love has anything to do with how the other person is. I mean, maybe a little. I think what really matters is you yourself. Like, you know, let's say you lo- really liked a self-involved ass. That doesn't matter. What matters is how that ass makes you feel. If you feel like the best person in the world when you're with him, that's what makes you like him. It really isn't about how nice a person he is at all."I ran my tongue over my bottom lip. "I like it. It's like the selfish person's guide to love. It's not you, baby, it's me I'm in love with.”