“Dad got me a ... guinea pig?""For breakfast," Zack said. "That's why I named her Toast. You aren't going to eat her, are you?""No!""Woot!" Zack hugged the cage to his chest, carrying it off in the direction of his bedroom. "I hope you don't want to eat Marmalade or Sugar Puff either!""Marma-- oh, never mid.”

“Dad pulled me into a brief hug. "You're still my girl. Are you hungry? We got, um--""Yes, I already met Toast." I sighed. "Please tell me that Marmalade and Sugar Puff aren't a rabbit and a hamster."He dropped his gaze sheepishly and mumbled, "Chinchilla.”

“You can’t hurt him. He’s an endangered species!” “Vampires are not endangered.” Van’s tone made it clear that it was his life’s work to rectify this regrettable situation. “No, not that,” Zack said dismissively. “He’s a Victorian!” “Brainwashed,” Van muttered. “Crazy,” Sarah proclaimed. “Steampunk,” I corrected with a sigh.”

“He threw back his shoulders, a hunter preparing to stalk his prey across the night...and pulled an iPhone out of his pocket."You are kidding me." I watched as he tapped through screens with practiced swipes. "There's an app for that?”

“„You don't really want to do this. I'm a good vampire – I mean, like, a vampire with a soul, not that I'm really good at, you know, vamp-stuff. I'm not some monster. Heck, I've only been a vampire for less than a week! I've never even sucked blood” I ducked under the blade and backflipped away. „Really! You can ask my parents! My mum's a university professor, she's a very trustworthy character reference!”

“The next evening found me having breakfast with a ridiculously hot guy. It was typical of my life that this would only happen when said guy was tied up.”

“I was a vampire, and... someone was trying to call me?When my parents had said that not even death could pry me from my mobile phone, I'd thought they were joking. I wriggled around in the narrow coffin until I could reach the ringing handset.”