“Dancing on pointe...Why don't they just get taller girls?”

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ”

“A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.”

“If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”

“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.”

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”

“I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.”