“This was 1941 and I'd been in prison eleven years. I was thirty-five. I'd spent the best years of my life either in a cell or in a black-hole. I'd only had seven months of total freedom with my Indian tribe. The children my Indian wives must have had by me would be eight years old now. How terrible! How quickly the time had flashed by! But a backward glance showed all these hours and minutes studding my calvary as terribly long, and each one of them hard to bear.”
In this quote by Henri Charrière, the protagonist reflects on the passing of time while in prison. At the age of thirty-five and having already spent eleven years behind bars, he bemoans the fact that he has lost the best years of his life to incarceration. The mention of his brief period of freedom with his Indian tribe highlights the stark contrast between his time in prison and the potential for a different life outside of it. The regret and longing for the lost time are palpable in his words, as he contemplates what could have been if he had not been imprisoned. The use of the phrase "calvary" to describe his experiences further emphasizes the suffering and hardship he has endured during his time in confinement. The juxtaposition of the perceived swift passage of time with the unbearable weight of each minute and hour showcases the complex emotions and thoughts that Charrière grapples with as he looks back on his life in prison.
In this poignant reflection by Henri Charrière, the protagonist of "Papillon," we see a stark portrayal of the impact of imprisonment on one's life. Despite being written in 1941, this passage still holds modern relevance as individuals continue to face issues of incarceration, loss of freedom, and the weight of missed opportunities. The theme of time lost and the struggle to endure hardship resonate with many today who may be experiencing similar challenges.
“This was 1941 and I'd been in prison eleven years. I was thirty-five. I'd spent the best years of my life either in a cell or in a black-hole. I'd only had seven months of total freedom with my Indian tribe. The children my Indian wives must have had by me would be eight years old now. How terrible! How quickly the time had flashed by! But a backward glance showed all these hours and minutes studding my calvary as terribly long, and each one of them hard to bear.” - Henri Charrière
As we reflect on this passage from Henri Charrière's memoir, "Papillon," we are confronted with the harsh reality of time lost in confinement. Consider the following questions to delve deeper into the themes of time, regret, and resilience portrayed in this excerpt:
“It was worth having made this break for the people, the human beings it had brought me into contact with. Although it had failed, my escape had been a victory, merely by having enriched my heart with the friendship of these wonderful people. No, I was not sorry. I had done it.”
“The tears in my pus-filled eyes became a thousand little crystals of ever color. Like stained-glass windows, I thought. God is with you today, Papi! In the midst of nature's monstrous elements, in the wind, the immenseness of the sea, the depth of the waves, the imposing green roof of the bush, you feel your own infinitesimal smallness, and perhaps it's here, without looking for Him, that you find God, that you touch Him with your finger. I had sensed Him at night during the thousands of hours I had spent buried alive in dank dungeons without a ray of sun; I touched Him today in a sun that would devour everything too weak to resist it. I touched God, I felt Him around me, inside me. He even whispered in my ear: "You will suffer; you will suffer more. But this time I am on your side. You will be free. You will, I promise you.”
“I'd had my share of rain. My mother's illness ... had weighed on me, but the years before had been heavy, too. I was only twenty eight.”
“We have too much technological progress, life is too hectic, and our society has only one goal: to invent still more technological marvels to make life even easier and better. The craving for every new scientific discovery breeds a hunger for greater comfort and the constant struggle to achieve it. All that kills the soul, kills compassion, understanding, nobility. It leaves no time for caring what happens to other people, least of all criminals. Even the officials in Venezuela's remote areas are better for they're also concerned with public peace. It gives them many headaches, but they seem to believe that bringing about a man's salvation is worth the effort. I find that magnificent.”
“I was crushing on my mentor. Crushing on my older mentor. I had to be out of my mind. He was seven years older than me. Old enough to be my…well, okay, nothing. But still older than me. Seven years was a lot. He's been learning to write when I was born. When I'd been learning to write and throw books at my teachers, he's probably been kissing girls. Probably lots of girls, considering how he looked.”
“And I saw that all my life I had known that this was going to happen, and that I'd been afraid for a long time, I'd been afraid for a long time. There's fear, of course, with everybody. But now it had grown, it had grown gigantic; it filled me and it filled the whole world.”