“I would like to be able to gently drift in and out of existence when I wanted to.”

“I just want to be able to stand up straight for a little while before I get cut down.”

“Sometimes I wish I could be like Teflon. I always admired that stuff. Water beads up on it and slides off, nothing sticks. You gotta have a little of that to be able to deal with what's out there. But... Teflon takes a shot and shows the damage. It cannot heal itself. That is our strength: we can heal. We can make ourselves stronger. You can be a bright light in a sea of shit, doesn't matter how big the light is as long as it shines. Get a hold of some of that and don't blow your brains out no matter how good an idea it sounds like at the time. Like when you wake up around three in the morning panicking from an attack from some unseen horror and you want to get out so bad.”

“I would like to be able to say that she broke my heart but I know better. I broke my own heart. I can't say that she did it and get behind that statement in any real way. I know too much. The only one I can blame for my loneliness is myself. Even if I did think that she did it to me I wouldn't feel any better. Tonight I was watching a movie and this actor in the film looked like her when she had a profile shot. She did not break my heart I did. I don't know why I would do something this painful to myself. I wish I would stop it's been months now and I'm still hurting myself nightly. I can avoid it for awhile and then it comes back.”

“Sometimes I would get invited to a party or to go out to dinner by oneof them and I would decline. Part of me wanted to go, but those kind ofoutings always made me feel even more alienated than usual. Hearing themtalk made me feel lonely and hateful at the same time. Lonely because Ididn't fit in, never did. When I was reminded, it hurt. And hatefulbecause it reaffirmed what I already knew, that I was alone and on theoutside.”

“I have to keep movingI don't want to thinkI'm going to work all day todayI don't want to stopDon't want to let my brain catch up my thoughtsHow will I be able to tell them that I'm a shadowA grey patch of cold rotting life”

“I get tired of talking when I want to be silent.”