“Darling Daddy,This is Rose.The shed needs new wires now it has blown up.Caddy is bringing home rock-bottom boyfriends to see if they will do for Mummy. Instead of you.Love, Rose.”

“Darling Daddy,This is Rose.Very good news. Caddy is going to marry Micheal. In case you have forgotten because you have not been home for so long he is the one with the ponytail and the earring that you do not like. And Caddy says she will have a white lace dress and three bridesmaids, Saffron and Sarah and me, and a big party for everyone, all her old boyfriends too. Fireworks. A band. A big tent called a marquee. But where will we put it? Carriages with white horses for us all to go to the church. Afterward Caddy and Micheal will go for a holiday to Australia to visit the Great Barrier Reef. Caddy has it all worked out and Mummy says Yes She Can Of Course You Can Darling Of Course You Must Do That. Saffron said That Will Cost a Few Weeks Housekeeping and Mummy said Yes But We Do Not Need to Worry About That. DADDY WILL PAY.Love, Rose.”

“Why are they burying daddy? Mummy? Mummy! Make 'em stop! Daddy can't go to work like this!”

“I can't be a mummy, I'm a daddy!”

“Caddy came home on Friday evening. Perfectly Harmless Patrick brought her in his battered old car..."Crikey, Caddy!" said Indigo, and he disappeared upstairs to tell Rose.Eve murmured, "Sweet," rather doubtfully.Sarah said, not doubtfully at all, "Horrendous! The worst yet. Rock bottom.""He had a very difficult childhood," said Caddy...."Who didn't?" asked Saffron unsympathetically. "Gosh, he's ancient, Caddy! Look, he's going bald! All that long trailing stuff is just a disguise!""If I was going bald," said Sarah, "I would face the fact and have it all shaved off.""Well, I thought Mummy would like him," said Caddy defensively. "...Anyway, I can always take him back.""I think you're going to have to, Caddy darling," said Eve... "Hello, Rose darling! Come in and see what Caddy has brought home to show us!"She escaped, and Rose, who had already heard the news from Indigo, glanced at Patrick and began laughing."See?" said Sarah. "Rose knows! Absolutely rock bottom! You cannot be serious, Caddy!""Oh, stop looking at him!" said Caddy, uncomfortably. "I'll find something to cover him up with in a minute!""How long are you leaving him there for?" asked Rose."Just until Sunday," said Caddy, trying to sound casual."Till Sunday!" repeated Saffron. "So is Micheal dumped?""Of course he isn't!" said Caddy indignantly. "I've never dumped anyone!""Start!" said Saffron. "Otherwise they just pile up, taking up the sofas...”

“Why did everyone think I needed a new boyfriend? I didn't need a new boyfriend. I'd had enough of boyfriends to last a lifetime. The only thing a boyfriend was good for was a shattered heart.”