“I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.”

“A happy arrangement: many people prefer cats to other people, and many cats prefer people to other cats.”

“I didn't know you had a cat!' she exclaimed.I am always surprised how many people make this observation-though not all are as bold as the American in giving voice to their astonishment. Why should His Holiness not have a cat-if indeed, 'having a cat' is a correct understanding of the relationship?”

“Cats are to dogs what modern people are to the people we used to have. Cats are slimmer, cleaner, more attractive, disloyal, and lazy. It's easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it. In fact, cats possess so many of the same qualities as some people (expensive girlfriends, for instance) that it's often hard to tell the people and the cats apart.”

“I’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a book, but how many homonyms are there for meow?”

“The way to get on with a cat is to treat it as an equal - or even better, as the superior it knows itself to be.”