“Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.”

“Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.”

“The central belief of every moron is that he is the victim of a mysterious conspiracy against his common rights and true deserts.”

“Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.”

“Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.”

“My belief is that happiness is necessarily transient. The natural state of a reflective man is one of depression. The world is a botch. Women can make men perfectly happy, but they seldom know how to do it. They make too much effort: they overlook the powerful effect of simple amiability. Women are also the cause of the worst kind of unhappiness.”

“Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. No one in this world, so far as I know—and I have researched the records for years, and employed agents to help me—has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. Nor has anyone ever lost public office thereby.”