“I thought I was getting better at this. I thought I was starting to make peace with being in love with a girl who despises me, but I don't think I'm so okay with it after all. Somewhere along the line I made a dark bargain with the universe without ever really being aware of it--a bargain that if I was allowed to see her, even if we never spoke, then I could live with that. And now a week without her has swallowed up all of my rational thinking. I feel like a junkie, sick for my next fix and not sure when it will come.”

“Maybe I'm not good for you. Maybe what I feel is wrong. Because I did love Ashton. She was all I needed... but never did I feel the uncontrollable desire to get her underneath me. Never did I make up reasons to get her to wrap her legs around me so I could feel her pressed up against me. Never. He swallowed hard. "Never did I think about being inside her”

“And then I feel guilty, because I know all these offers are made in vain. I know I cannot get my mother back healthy for a day. ... My mom is sick, sick and dying, and no bargaining will change that. And it's in all the books, bargaining, which makes me embarrassed. Look at me grieving my textbook grief. - 150”

“With you, things are different. I'm not sure what it is but when I'm with you, I feel something I've never felt before. I do want you. Bad. It surprises me and scares the shit out of me. Maybe I'm not good for you. Maybe what I feelis wrong. Because, I did love Ashton. She was all I needed...but never did I feel the uncontrollable desire to get her underneath me" His voice dropped, "Never did I make up reasons to get her to wrap her legs around me so I could feel her pressed up against me. Never," he swallowed hard. "Never, did I think about being inside her.”

“Here's what I think," I say and my voice is stronger and thoughts are coming, thoughts that trickle into my noise like whispers of truth. "I think maybe everybody falls," I say. "I think maybe we all do. And I don't think that's the asking." I pull on her arms gently to make sure she's listening."I think the asking is whether we get back up again.”

“What was she like?"I tell the truth."She was my dream. She made me who I am, and holding her in my arms was more natural to me than my own heartbeat. I think about her all the time. Even now, when I'm sitting here, I think about her. There could never be another.”