“She says that what you did was a cry for help." "It was," I say. "That's why I was yelling 'Heeeelp!' I don't really go in for subtlety.”

“He said we're all going to die,' 'And what did you say?' 'I said that's why i'm here”

“It's no big secret that Nicole and I are no longer friends, ... I will not go into the details of what happened. All I will say is that Nicole knows what she did, and that's all I am ever going to say about it.”

“Where's Dorothy?" Dad said. "I don't know. She came in, took the money and went. I don't even know how she got in.""What did she say?""She said "shush"" "And what did you say?""I shushed”

“I know a cute thing to say to a kid when they ask why it's raining. I say to them it's raining because god is crying. And if they ask why god is crying, a cute thing to say is, god is crying probably because of something you did.”

“Forgive me,' the woman says. 'I think I've interrupted you in a private moment.''Well,' I reply, instead of yelling something to the effect of :'No kidding lady, I'm in the bathroom!''Were you praying?' she asks.'Sort of.''That's what I thought,' the woman says with a nod, 'which is why I spoke up. I like the idea of answering prayers,' she says. 'Plus, I figure I'm so old, I could have been God's babysitter.”