“We’re all dying, Cassel. It’s just that some of us are dying faster than others.”

“You’re a liar, Cassel Sharpe. A lying liar who lies.”

“Sam: You know what I wish?Cassel: What?Sam: That someone would covert my bed into a robot that would fight other bed robots to the death for me.”

“There's nothing quite as funny as someone else's misery - Cassel Sharpe”

“It’s hard to come up with a scheme to thwart some other scheme you don’t even know about.”

“Kaye: You know what the sun looks like?Janet: No, What?Kaye: Like he slit his wrists in a bathtub and the blood is all over the water.Janet: That's gross, Kaye.Kaye: And the moon is just watching. She's just watching him die. She must have driven him to it.”

“Cassel, she said, you want to know how to be the most charming guy anyone's ever met? Remind them of their favorite person. Everyone's favorite person is their own damn self.”