“One warm morning in July, a ghost came to our breakfast table.”

“When a zashiki warashi came to live with you, good fortune smiled upon the whole house.”

“Satan impregnated my mother one lovely spring morning. We didn’t have the heart to tell my father.”

“The inside is packed with people. Lots of them crowding the bar, passing drinks back for people to carry to tables. A bunch of guys are pouring shots of vodka."To Zacharov!" one toasts."To open hearts and open bars!" calls another."And open legs," says Anton.”

“One fine day, in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other. They pulled out their swords and shot one another. One deaf cop, on the beat heard the noise, and came and shot the two dead boys.”

“Nona was as wacky as they came.”

“Lindsay [Doran] goes round the table and introduces everyone -- making it clear that I am present in the capacity of writer rather than actress, therefore no one has to be too nice to me.”