“You know it's going to be one of those days when the cat uses the carpet as a bum wipe....”

“Rufus Cobb was having one of those days. You know … one of those days. You know the ones, the sort of day where you just want to go home and be cruel to a small animal.”

“Ah, but what is form but a bum wipe anyhow?”

“I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory."Were you one of those despicable spies who every day tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those paraseeded cop cat, candy making cads?"No sir!"Then wonderful, welcome back!”

“You'd know if you were [a cat person]. It's like being a Christian or a Muslim. You just KNOW when you are one.”

“We didn’t domesticate cats. They domesticated themselves. But not totally, you know? You take a good look at any house cat, and you can tell there’s eventually going to be a day when it goes back wild, you know? When it reverts to its true nature. You fall over and die in a house with your dog, and your dog will lie down beside your dead body, maybe right on top of it, and starve to death. But a house cat will feast on your eyes as soon as its stomach starts growling.”