“And after he drives away your buddy says, “A fuckingJaguar? Seriously?” “Honestly,” you say,“he deserved to have his fence smashed upjust for that.”

“He didn't say he was a lawyer...I said he was.” And the cop says “Uh…”

“Drink up,” he says,“being a little drunkmakes everythinga little bitbetter.”

“Stalking the dusty curio-aisles ofsome crazy Asian market,“Jezus,” you sayto your buddy,“we should ask that dudewhich aisle the fucking Gremlins are on…”

“so your uncle tellsyour brother,“There’s morechairs in theshed.” And your brother says,under his breathso almost no one can hear, “Well,what if I don'twant to sitin the shed?”

“Here’s what we’re gonna do,” he says,“we’re gonna pick upthose rocks right there,and we’re gonnasmash out the windowsof that cop car…”

“You the drunkest white man I
ever seen!” one says,which you take ashigh praise,”