“The secret of success was to screw up as late as possible. Then look good in a coffin.”

“There is but one secret to success: never give up.”

“(P)eople’s good intentions can wind up putting us in boxes as confining as coffins.”

“Look for good in men, and where they fail to posses it, try to build it up in them; try to increase the good in them; look for the good; build up the good; sustain the good; and speak as little about the evil as you possibly can.”

“You know what—gyms make the largest chunk of their profit from clients who pay their monthly dues on auto-pay but never bother to show up and use the gym. The DVD-rental companies make a good chunk of their profits from late fees; the credit-card companies make a fortune on sundry fines and penalties; the airlines’ margins are highest on ticket changes and cancellations… So, the key to running a successful business in America is to sign up a customer and pray he’ll somehow screw up…”

“Karma, continuing the Screw Dez kick it seemed to be on lately...”