“You replaced me with a shaved poodle?”“He’s got mad skills.”Derek’s eyebrows crept up.“He can vomit and urinate at the same time and he doesn’t make fun of my car.”

“Who is that?”“Your replacement.”“You replaced me with a shaved poodle?”“He's got mad skills.”

“The movies make the brooding guy the hero – the guy with problems the guy who carries a gun, the gun with unresolved anger, the guy with a chip on his shoulder, the guy who’s a vampire – and they tell you that you can have the mythical happy ending with that same brooding guy. But in reality, the brooding guy is cranky. He doesn’t reply to emails. He doesn’t call. He’s only half there when you’re talking to him, and he doesn’t chase you when you run. You feel insecure all the time. You get needy and sad and you hate yourself got being needy. If you don’t know why he’s brooding, you’re shut out. And if you do know why he’s brooding, you’re still shut out. (Because he’s busy brooding.)”

“Some people got vicious Dobermans. I got a shaved attack poodle in a black sweater. His tough, spawn-of-hell image had taken a fatal blow, but at least he would be warm.”

“Just because he’s not in jail doesn’t mean he’s not guilty; it just means he never got caught.”

“Every time he opens his mouth I have absolutely no idea what he’s gonna say. He’s the most honest person I’ve ever met. He’s a quick study and rarely needs to make the same mistake twice. He really tries to learn, and does, and he makes me laugh, and the world’s generally a lighter place when he’s in my sight.”