“If you've ever wondered where the good songs goAfter they've had their day,You'll be glad to meet a man I know,Wrinkled old and gray.He collects the tunes that time has thrown aside—Puts them under lock and key;For a penny he is glad to set them free.”

“If you'll promise not to cry, Baby,I will kiss you by-and-by—Maybe!Though you're six feet three,You will always beNothing but a Baby, dear, to me.”

“There's a somebody I'm longing to see,I hope that he, turns out to be,someone to watch over me.”

“But, tell me, is it worth the while To decorate this earth the while The men are so unworthy of our zeal? No more the days of heroes now—The men are only zeros now—A sex without the slightest sex appeal.”

“If I'm a guy who doesn't seem so merry,It's just because I'm so misunderstood.When I was young I ate a dictionary,And that did not do me a bit of good.For I've absorbed so many words and phrases—They drive me dizzy when I want to speak.I start explaining but each person gazesAs if I spoke in Latin or in Greek.”

“Damn it all! What rhymes with rhythm?”

“The way you wear your hat, The way you sip your tea, The mem'ry of all that -- No, no! They can't take that away from me!”