“My friend "M" says the irony of being a zombie is that everything is funny, but you can't smile, because your lips have rotted off.”

“So,would you say I’m closer to a zombie or a vampire? I gotta know—are my parts going to rot and fall off, or am I forever frozen in youthful perfection?”

“Up ahead stands the fun house, which you enter through a clown’s smiling mouth.“I would kill myself if I was prisoner here,” Shelby says.“No, you wouldn’t, just out of courtesy,” I say, “because your body would be trapped in there after you die, and your friends would have to watch your corpse rot.”“Hmm,” Shelby says. “Smell it too.”“Well, now we’re looking on the bright side,” Packard says.”

“But why me?Because, idiot, you... are funny and smart and you have a giant heart that you can't even pretend to hide. And you love your friends and your mum, and you held my hand and made me sing when I was so scared I thought I was going to die. I knew you understood, right from the beginning, this thing inside, the stuff in your head that you need to make real. You get that.... And you wear stupid Superman pyjamas without any irony, and your face lights up when you talk about the movies you love.... And... you protect my dwarf. You always have her back. And you have a dimple when you smile that's so cute I almost died the first time I saw it.”

“Irony of the day: arthritis medication with a cap that old people can't get off, because of their arthritis.”

“First you have nothing, and then, astonishingly, after ripping out your brain and your heart and betraying your friends and ex-lovers and dreaming like a zombie over the page till you can't see or hear or smell or taste, you have something.”