“One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.”

“Sir, this lane is for ten items or less. I’m counting thirteen items in your cart, including that hemorrhoid cream. And while hemorrhoids might give you a reason to be nasty, they don’t give you a reason to be in this lane.”

“There's a word for a writer who never gives up: published.”

“Some people are born with a fire inside them. The will to succeed. It isn’t a learned behavior. It’s just some unknown biological factor that makes them try harder.”

“She nodded, taking his pistol and showing him the button to release the empty clip.“Where did you learn how to shoot?” he asked.“I teach high school.”

“While the modern Bible is missing many of its original passages, the Book of Bob isn’t one of them. You’re probably getting it confused with the lost Book of Fred.”

“But after eating his one-thousandth sinner, Bob became prideful of his accomplishments, and that angered God.”“Why would that anger God?”“This was the Old Testament. God got pissed off a lot. Didn’t you ever read Job?”