“Sir, this lane is for ten items or less. I’m counting thirteen items in your cart, including that hemorrhoid cream. And while hemorrhoids might give you a reason to be nasty, they don’t give you a reason to be in this lane.”

“One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.”

“Sunny - If you can explain yourself before someone kicks your ass, count your blessings and give some thought to going back to the priesthood.Nick - I would, but now-a-days that vow of chastity might be a problem.”

“Rhiannon's Law #28: If you're going to fuck up, be sure to fuck up good and proper. Nothing makes failure acceptable, so you might as well make your misery count.”

“I think guns are just a symbolic substitute for male genitalia, and I’m okay in that respect.” “Fine. If they get in the house, you can whack them with your genitals.”

“There's a word for a writer who never gives up: published.”

“Noel chuckles. “I don’t remember you being this fun back in high school.”“Yeah, well, I don’t remember you being this much of a dick.” I duck behind the menu and bit the inside of my cheek and curse myself for talking to him this way. I’m going to lose this job before dinner is even over. He clears his throat. “You know, Lane. If you keep talking to me like that, I might have to show you just how nice I can be.”