“Why is it so difficult for me to take my eyes off from an anomaly I have spotted? It’s embarrassing. Like the time my dad introduced me to his colleague who was missing one of his front teeth. I was just staring at the gap in his mouth like an idiot.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, man. A birthday is not so much about celebrating you age. It’s about celebrating life itself. It is a BIRTHDAY. You celebrate the fact that you were lucky enough to be born into this crazy world. Who cares if the wheel has spun yet another round? Cheer up, man. You are alive.”

“Being on that pitcher’s mound, it’s the one thing I’m really good at. The one thing I haven’t fucked up. And when I’m on the field, everything else fades away. You know?” He turned to look at me, his eyes craving understanding. I smiled and he continued. “It’s like my mind is clear when I’m out there. It’s not about my mom or my dad or the stupid shit I’ve done. It’s about me, the ball, and the batter. It’s the one place in the world where I feel like I’m in control. Like I have a say in what happens around me.”I stopped my head from nodding in agreement once I realized that I was doing it. “I feel that way when I’m taking pictures. Anything that I’m not seeing through my lens fades away in the background. And I get to frame my picture any way I choose. I get to dictate how it looks. What’s in it. What isn’t. Behind that lens I have complete control in how things are seen.”He smiled, his dimples indenting his cheeks. “You get it.”

“I do not believe that this is an evil king. But he is confused. And he cannot say no to his wife. Therefore if it please God I shall raise an army of men who are not confused. Stern men who say no to the tyranny of kings and wives. Men who make no confusion over the ordained place of man and woman, king and subject. And with these stern, God-fearing men, I shall ride. And we shall be called Ironsides because we are like iron, being hard both day and night. And the king shall find us unyielding, like a rod of iron, and shall give us satisfaction. Like our wives!”

“I kind of missed the whole running into each other thing. Provided a lot of excitement.""I don't miss that," I admitted, bending over and rummaging through my bag for my notebook. "That was really embarrassing.""It shouldn't have been.""Easy for you to say. You're the one who got plowed. I was doing the plowing."Cam's mouth opened. Oh my God, did I really just say that? I had.”

“Did last night really happen?" One side of his lips tipped up, and my chest swelled. I'd missed that smile. "Depends on what you think happend." "I took my shirt off for you?" His eyes deepened. "Yes. Lovely moment.”

“I hadn't realized how supremely shit-housed I was until we stumbled into our room at the Embassy Suites. You ever been so drunk you forgot that you have to shit until the last minute? Well I was at that stage. I nearly had my pants completely off when SlingBlade snaked past me and got into the toilet first. Fine, I go get out of my bar clothes and change into a t-shirt and pink Gap boxers to sleep in. I wait patiently for about three minutes, then I start pounding on the door, screaming at him that I am going to shit on his bed if he doesn't get out of there.A short time later he opens the door laughing his ass off, and says, "That was perhaps the most prodigious shit ever. I just put that toilet into therapy."I take a gander into the bathroom. It looks like Revelations. The toilet is overflowing, brown shit water is spilling out all over the bathroom floor, and the tank is making demonic gurgling noises.THE MOTHERFUCKER CLOGGED UP A HOTEL TOILET!Hotel toilets are industrial size; they are designed to be able to accommodate repeated elephant-sized shits, and their ram-jet engine flushes generate enough force to suck down a human infant, yet skinny ass 170-pound SlingBlade completely killed ours.”