“As you can see," I gestured to each of my appendages, "I am just fine. No need to worry." I almost added "your pretty little head" but I wasn't in the mood to pick up my teeth from the shag carpet.”

“And I lie down on your carpet so long that you think I will stay forever but I get up and I see the indentation in the carpet and I get jealous and say, "I am no longer needed here.”

“The charitable say in effect, 'I seem to have more than I need and you seem to have less than you need. I would like to share my excess with you.' Fine, if my excess is tangible, money or goods, and fine if not, for I learned that to be charitable with gestures and words can bring enormous joy and repair injured feelings.”

“For the first time in a long while I was in the mood to accomplish something. I switched off the TV and pulled out the Oriole epilepsy drug ads and spread them over my desk. Then I picked up my red pen and went to work.”

“In my carpet bag are the mushrooms that I gathered in the woods. With two fingers I pick up a piece and look at it. Then I take a bite and wait for my body to react. Now I'm in a better mood. In a short time I'll be dead. Or alive. I'm not always sure that there's any difference.”

“I was just walking out of school from cheer practice and she walks right up to me and says "Come with me if you want to live." I laughed so hard at her I almost peed my pants. I mean who says that? It was pretty clear she wasn't from this planet. Everyone knows who the Terminator is.”