“But after eating his one-thousandth sinner, Bob became prideful of his accomplishments, and that angered God.”“Why would that anger God?”“This was the Old Testament. God got pissed off a lot. Didn’t you ever read Job?”

“Like people would ever want to read books on an electronic screen.”

“We don't know the Devil's side of the story, because God wrote all the books.”

“God, you’re so hot, Irena. When are we going to get together, have ourselves a litter of little kiggens?”“On the first of never, Andy. And they wouldn’t be kiggens. They’d be pities.”

“While the modern Bible is missing many of its original passages, the Book of Bob isn’t one of them. You’re probably getting it confused with the lost Book of Fred.”

“She nodded, taking his pistol and showing him the button to release the empty clip.“Where did you learn how to shoot?” he asked.“I teach high school.”

“Then I tug the toaster from the wall and swing the appliance around my head like a lasso. I'm not aiming to knock her out. I'm aiming to knock off her fucking head.”