“Chico was a small-time hustler and big-time loser who liked to bet the ponies and hit women. He was more successful at the latter.”

“You're not big on people, are you?""I wouldn't say that. Just ... when faced with the choice between small talk with strangers and peace and quiet, I'll choose the latter every time. You know?”

“I'm about to rupture something," he was informed, as the big, gaily wrapped box she was carrying smacked into the small of his back again. She had an uncanny ability to hit the same spot every time.”

“God is a sore loser. Me and him made a bet, and when he lost, he refused to pay up.”

“Very few who manage a big league club are successful, fewer still are the ones who experience success over an extended period of time, but to achieve a level of success so extraordinary that it is given a category all it’s own—“The Big Red Machine”—places Sparky [Anderson] in one of the most exclusive and elite clubs in baseball history.”

“Everybody who is 100 was at one time 25. But not everybody who is 25 will live to see 100. Likewise, everyone who has a big nose at onetime had a small nose. However, not everyone with a small nose also has a small penis.”