“God, you’re so hot, Irena. When are we going to get together, have ourselves a litter of little kiggens?”“On the first of never, Andy. And they wouldn’t be kiggens. They’d be pities.”

“While the modern Bible is missing many of its original passages, the Book of Bob isn’t one of them. You’re probably getting it confused with the lost Book of Fred.”

“We don't know the Devil's side of the story, because God wrote all the books.”

“But after eating his one-thousandth sinner, Bob became prideful of his accomplishments, and that angered God.”“Why would that anger God?”“This was the Old Testament. God got pissed off a lot. Didn’t you ever read Job?”

“I wish I was like that. More carefree.""Anyone can be. People aren't carved out of marble. We're all works in progress. The trick is to define ourselves, rather than let outside influences define us.”

“I think guns are just a symbolic substitute for male genitalia, and I’m okay in that respect.” “Fine. If they get in the house, you can whack them with your genitals.”

“You know, you remind me of my younger brother. I miss that kid, so much that I sometimes regret killing him.”