“A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid. ”

“I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. ”

“Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind it doesn't matter.”

“Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.”

“Adventuresome stories to life for kids big and small who dare to dream.”

“If you're going to be a narcissistic schmuck, kid, don't bother studying Faulkner. Go straight to Brett Easton Ellis. He's the role model you need.”

“I realized fear one morning, with the blare of the fox hunter's sound. When they're all chasin' the poor bloody fox, 'tis safer to be dressed like the hound. ”