“I wrote you this poem because i was afraid/ To come out and tell you i want to get laid.”

“There once was a man who was sore'Cuz his wife wouldn't open the door.Celibacy is just not for meLet me in, you cock-teasing whore.”

“Sometimes in the mountains the animals make paths by using the same route again and again. If you don't know what you're doing, you might think it's a path made by humans--it looks that way. If you follow that path, the path of beasts, you won't get anywhere at all. People lost in the wilderness, they follow these paths and only get more and more lost. Sometimes they lose their way and they die. It's not a path for humans, it's a dangerous diversion. Are you sure that's the road you want to take? It won't get you where you want to go.”

“You know that moment when you hug somebody, when your heart feels warm and high in your chest and tingly? When you feel just for a second like a baby in a womb... that nothing matters? That's how I want you to feel. That's what a girlfriend should do, I think.”

“I'm an aspiring writer.' I hate that phrase. You're either a writer or you're not.”

“A basic principle upon which I’ve learned to live my life is that I should never be surprised at people’s ability to disappoint me.”

“You develop a kind of admiration for criminal genius and ruthless efficiency, and you forget that the criminal empire is built on human pain and suffering.”