“Fate does not invite ugly boring people to save the world; and if you do try to save the world (without being beautiful, strong, clever, or wise), you will soon die pointlessly and how much adventure is there in that?”

“If you agree to work for us, half the time you won't know the purpose of your duties . . . and when we do explain, we might not be telling the truth. But that's the real world, folks . . .”

“Sometimes all the procedures in the world can't protect you . . . but that's no reason to walk up to something that looks like a lion and kick it in the ass.”

“That must be the chief reason to become sergeant; so you can assign yourself to monitor the most beautiful security risk.”

“I like people thinking I'm an asshole. Being an asshole is my life's vocation; I'm a goddamned asshole professional.”

“I do not care about the greatest good for the greatest number . . . Most people are poop-heads I do not care about them at all.”

“That's the first rule of command; be consistent! You can be sadistic, you can be lazy, you can be stupid, but if you're consistent the crew will still let you sit in when they play dominoes.”