“The people of the United States will do anything for Latin America, except read about it.”

“This is the devilish thing about foreign affairs: they are foreign and will not always conform to our whim.”

“Golf: A plague invented by the Calvinistic Scots as a punishment for man's sins.”

“If it's far away, it's news, but if it's close at home, it's sociology.”

“In 1487 alone, two hundred heretics had-in one of the greatest euphemisms in the history of language-"relaxed," that is, burned at the stake. Dogs of God, Columbus, the Inquisition, and the Defeat of the Moors”

“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebearers, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.”

“They shouldnt teach their immigrants' kids all about democracy unless they mean to let them have a little bit of it, it ony makes for trouble. Me and the United States is dissociating our alliance as of right now, until the United States can find time to read its own textbooks a little.”