“Oh, and I [Amy] may also have told him that I quite fancied Dr Smith [The Doctor]. Which in the 1780s was probably punishable by stoning or corsets.”

“[The Doctor] pulled the thing out of Prince Boris's mouth, waving it around. 'Oh. Blimey. This is not a spatula. What is it?'I [Amy] stared at the stubby thing. It looked like the world's chunkiest novelty gift pen... I coughed. 'That, Doctor, is the sonic screwdriver.''Ah,' Dr Smith boggled. 'Right. Is it? Oh dear.' Another pause. 'What does it do?''Well... it screws things... sonically. On a good day, we fight off monsters with it.''Monsters, eh?' Dr Smith nodded gravely and... pointed it at the doorway like a gun and said, hopefully, 'Pew! Pew! Pew!' He turned back to me. 'Like that?''Other way up,' I said gently.”

“I love you,' cooed Fake Amy. 'You dance so much better than the Doctor.''Silly.' Real Amy nudged her in the ribs. 'Hippos dance better than the Doctor.”

“[Amy] pulled a face. 'Honestly, when you grow up you'll learn you may as well try herding cats as keeping men in one place,' she told me solemnly, which I vowed to remember.”

“Rory's not my pet dog!' I [Amy] yelled at the Doctor.'Well, that would be better.' He was truly angry. 'Dogs I can live with.' He paused, suddenly hopeful. 'Quite sure you're not a cat person?''This isn't getting him back,' I said.He pulled a face. 'Who said I wanted him back? I was just suggesting a few alternatives. Nice little ginger tom. Have to get it neutered, of course.' He smiled winningly. 'I'd let you name him.''We'll find Rory.' I was firm. 'And then neuter him.”

“Really, awfully, terribly, I had a sudden attack of hiccups. I was staring at the Doctor, murderously angry with him. And hiccuping...'That's it. I'm going down there. I'm offering myself to them instead. If you're too much of a coward.'The Doctor winced at that last word.I hiccuped again.'Amy Pond,' he said. 'Try holding your breath.''I will not hold my breath! This is important! Rory is having his mind vacuumed and we're just standing here-''Hiccuping.''Yes.'We stood, glaring at each other. I hiccuped again.'Seriously,' said the Doctor, patiently. 'I know it's not the best time, but really, try holding your breath.'I stood there. Hiccuping and scowling at him.”

“It's Smith, actually.' Dr Smith smiled, bowing. 'I've remembered that my name is Smith. Almost definitely. Good old English name. Hopefully means 'noble valiant warriot' and not 'he who hits kittens with a hammer.' You'd be surprised the derivations of common surnames in the English countryside...”