“She was moving slowly, appearing to come no closer. Perhaps she was losing ground against the earth's rotation.”

“She was from the wrong side of the tracks no matter how you gerrymandered the town.”

“I still couldn't imagine that she was really, truly pregnant; maybe this was an hysterical pregnancy. But Sarah was never hysterical. Enthusiastic, yes, ironic on occasion. I couldn't imagine a doctor saying, "No, it's just an ironic pregnancy.”

“If you can pick the baby up without him squirting our of your hands like a bar of soap in the shower, he's not oiled up enough.”

“If Mother had to be told not to shove the entire brick of Ivory up Junior's hindquarters, constipation is the least of his problems.”

“Look. Folks. It's simple. If you have poor taste in decorating, don't go nuts in the entryway. Wait until your guests are inside before you spring something unusual on them.”

“In the early '70s, the nation was afflicted with incurable pattern viruses - small microbes that reproduced and multiplied from a single swatch left on a sofa, and soon covered an entire room.”