“Advice: Don’t wait until someone you have issues with — especially someone you’re related to — gets shot before you work it out.”

“I stared at her in amazement. "How do you even live with yourself?"..."You're willing to sell children to a foreign government so they can be used as weapons, possibly against other Americans. I don't get it. Were you hiding behind a door on morals and ethics day?...You couldn't mother someone if they shot five gallons of estrogen into your veins.”

“When I write I pretend I'm telling a story to someone in the room and I don't want them to get up until I'm finished.”

“You know, when you’re right,that’s all you get to be.”

“I shot him the bird. (Get it? I shot him the—never mind.)”

“I wasn't kidding about the flying-kids part. Or the talking-dog part.Anyone who's up to speed on the Adventures of Amazing Max and Her Flying, Fun-Loving Cohorts, you can skip this next page or so. Those of you who picked up this book cold, even thought it's clearly part three of the series, well, get with the program, people! I can't take two days to get you caught up on everything! Here's the abbreviated version (which is pretty, I might add):A bunch of mad scientists (mad crazy not mad angry- though a lot of them seem to have anger-management issues, especially around me) have been playing around with recombinant life-forms, where they graft different species' DNA together.”

“A friend of mine once defined love as finding someone you can talk to late into the night”