“What did that stupid deserting crap-bag ex-boyfriend, ex-best friend with the most perfect stupid hair do? He DIDN'T delete his crap off the desktop before he fled my life and left me all alone. That's what he did.”

“I don't know how it is to fuck him Shane, I did not fuck Ethan. I have never slept with anyone, actually. I was saving myself for that ex-boyfriend... he was in...um...jail, but when he got out, he didn't want me anymore and left.”

“I responded to this development with the kind of sophisticated language for which I am famous. "Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid crap.”

“The phone rang, picked up, and the same male voice announced, “Chris Powers.""Hey there, Chris. Are you aware it's a felony to make threats over the phone?"To give Powers his fair due, he got over his shock within a split second. “Try it, asshole. I dare you. My lawyers will have you for lunch.” He clicked off again.I did what any red-blooded American male would do. I called my big, ex-cop ex-boyfriend.”

“But if there was a protocol for how to say goodbye to your newly ex-boyfriend's brother, right after you kissed him and probably sent your ex into the arms of his willing ex-girlfriend, I didn't know what it was.”

“He had been so friendly, and he had shown clearly that he did not think me in the least stupid--or, if he did, he liked it.”