“In 1487 alone, two hundred heretics had-in one of the greatest euphemisms in the history of language-"relaxed," that is, burned at the stake. Dogs of God, Columbus, the Inquisition, and the Defeat of the Moors”

“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebearers, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.”

“Golf: A plague invented by the Calvinistic Scots as a punishment for man's sins.”

“The people of the United States will do anything for Latin America, except read about it.”

“If it's far away, it's news, but if it's close at home, it's sociology.”

“This is the devilish thing about foreign affairs: they are foreign and will not always conform to our whim.”

“Ah, lust. It makes us forget anything we want to. The greatest relaxant, the greatest stimulant.”