“And LO and BEHOLD, I was on BOTH the six AND eleven o’clock newscasts!AND all the commercials, as well! (‘Day of the drag queen at one area high school, controversy at six!’)And it must have been a slow night because I was the SECOND PIECE of the night! The granny suicide bomber got the lead. BITCH! But I managed to beat out the president’s pulled groin and day six of the Jessica Simpson chapped-lip crisis!”

“I was so scared it was all going to be gone by the time I got there. Ninth grade, tenth grade - can't this thing go any faster?In the magazine, there were funny people with funny names like John Sex, who had wild white hair and a snake!-and didn't that just open up a kaleidoscope of new possibilities?And how long the years are-endless! And the minutae of your daily life! So tedious, when there are BIG THINGS happening a thousand miles away. And when you go to bed at night, it's hard to believe those people, those fabulous, daunting people, are out there right now!So we wait, and we endure, and someday we will be there, and we will make it.”

“We are all freaks. Yes! Alone in our rooms at night, we are all weirdoes and outcasts and losers. That is what being a teenager is all about! Whether you admit it or not, you are all worried that the others won’t accept you, that if they knew the real you, they would recoil in horror. Each of us carries with us a secret shame that we think is somehow unique…And if we are, each of us, freaks – then can’t we accept what’s different in each other and move on?”

“If we're all going to hell in a handbasket, we might as well make it a party on the way down”

“Thirty-six. If you want to shrink something, you must first expand it. If you want to get rid of something, you must allow it to flourish. If you want to take something, you must allow it to be given. The soft will overcome the hard. The slow will beat the fast. Don't tell people the way, just show them the results.”

“No, Michael, I do not trust you on a boat, I do not trust you on a goat. I do not trust you here. I do not trust you there. I do not trust you anywhere.”

“You will do as you are told the second you are told to do it. Is that clear?''I'm not six mother, I think I can grasp standard sentences.' Whether I chose to pay attention to them however...”