“With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and definite hardening of the paragraphs.”

“Sixty minutes of thinking of any kind is bound to lead to confusion and unhappiness.”

“I always begin at the left with the opening word of the sentence and read toward the right and I recommend this method.”

“Hens embarrass me; owls disturb me; if I am with an eagle I always pretend that I am not with an eagle; and so on down to swallows at twilight who scare the hell out of me. But pigeons have absolutely no effect on me.”

“Things have dropped from me. I have outlived certain desires; I have lost friends, some by death... others through sheer inability to cross the street.”

“I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.”

“If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. ”