“Since at least the Sixth Century all librarians have received extensive combat training and are lethal with even the common toothpick.”

“Just because I'm a librarian doesn't mean I'm at all tame.”

“The Librarian has spoken, sally! We Dare Not Disobey!”

“Now...get Thoth a raspberry chocolate latte with the cream and chocolate sprinkles! Thoth commands, librarian! Obey! Sprinkles! THOTH HAS SPOKEN!”

“That's it then. This is how it ends. I haven't even read Proust.”

“I will not be defined by the marks left on me by the world, but by the mark I leave on the world (referring to the facial scars he still carries from his successful 1991 battle against cancer, which caused him to be turned down for a customer service job because he was "too ugly").”

“Sometimes, the hard knocks of life are blessings in disguise.”