“That's it then. This is how it ends. I haven't even read Proust.”

“Since at least the Sixth Century all librarians have received extensive combat training and are lethal with even the common toothpick.”

“The Librarian has spoken, sally! We Dare Not Disobey!”

“Just because I'm a librarian doesn't mean I'm at all tame.”

“Now...get Thoth a raspberry chocolate latte with the cream and chocolate sprinkles! Thoth commands, librarian! Obey! Sprinkles! THOTH HAS SPOKEN!”

“You were expecting to see Drake Junior?" He clucked his tongue at her. "You haven't even bought me dinner yet.”

“I will not be defined by the marks left on me by the world, but by the mark I leave on the world (referring to the facial scars he still carries from his successful 1991 battle against cancer, which caused him to be turned down for a customer service job because he was "too ugly").”