“The Librarian has spoken, sally! We Dare Not Disobey!”

“Now...get Thoth a raspberry chocolate latte with the cream and chocolate sprinkles! Thoth commands, librarian! Obey! Sprinkles! THOTH HAS SPOKEN!”

“Just because I'm a librarian doesn't mean I'm at all tame.”

“Since at least the Sixth Century all librarians have received extensive combat training and are lethal with even the common toothpick.”

“That's it then. This is how it ends. I haven't even read Proust.”

“I will not be defined by the marks left on me by the world, but by the mark I leave on the world (referring to the facial scars he still carries from his successful 1991 battle against cancer, which caused him to be turned down for a customer service job because he was "too ugly").”

“Sometimes, the hard knocks of life are blessings in disguise.”