“I told you we're close!""Yeah, so are me and my asshole! Doesn't mean I'm going to call it twice a day!”

“Get in the fucking car. You're a mean drunk.You haven't seen me mean, mama's boy!I told you we're close!Yeah, so are me and my asshole! Doesn't mean I'm going to call it twice a day!”

“Oh! Thanks for the public service announcement about what not to do in college, Mr. Eighteen-year-old-frat-boy-with-eleventy-billion-'serious'-girlfriends-under-his-belt! Get in the fucking car. You're a mean drunk. You haven't seen me mean, mama's boy!I told you we're close!Yeah, so are me and my asshole! Doesn't mean I'm going to call it twice a day!You're a bitch! Take. Me. Home. I'd love to, if you'd get in the fucking car!”

“If somebody doesn't call me a bitch once a day, I figure I'm not doing my job.”

“I'm not blind, okay? On a purely physical level? Yeah, you're pretty sexy-- and that suit you have to wear all the time doesn't hurt. But even if you didn't have that 'I kill you if I touch you' thing going on, you are definitely not my type. And more importantly, I'm not some perverted asshole," he says. "I take my job seriously. I get real shit done in this world, and I like to think people respect me for it.”

“Are you close to your family?'I considered it. 'Close' was one way of putting it. 'We're close,' I said cautiously. 'But we're very mean to each other. This morning I told my mum that if she didn't stop acting old I was going to lobby for a law on euthanasia, so a bus would come round every Monday morning and take away all the old people who complained that they couldn't hear the telly or see the buttons on their mobile phone or that they had a pain in their hip, and put a bullet in their heads. But we're close.”