“A woman's never too old to make an idiot of herself. It goes along with equality of the sexes and potty parity.”

“Suppose something goes wrong? Suppose you need a big full-figure woman like me to help straighten things out?"Lula”

“Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it's never going to replace cake.”

“You know what this is?" Lula said. "This here's plane rage."Plane rage isn't allowed. It got taken off the allowed activities list along with eating. If you make a scene they'll hual you off in leg irons." Stephanie said.I'm tired of being stapped in here, too," Lula said. "This seat belt's too tight and it's giving me gas."Anything else?"There's no movie.”

“I always wanted to eat with a Negro,” Grandma said.Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney-assed old white woman,” Lula said. “So I guess this works out good.”

“Aren't you something," Grandma said. "I never saw a midget up close." "Little person," Briggs said. "And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either.”

“I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.”