“Calories don't count if they're connected to a celbration. Everyone knows this.”

“Everyone knows that if you buy chocolate with spare change, then the calories don't count.”

“The calories in chocolate don't count because chocolate comes from the cocoa bean, and everyone knows that beans are good for you.”

“If you buy chocolate with loose change the calories don’t count.”

“Cracker Jacks don't count as junk food because they're corn and peanuts, which we know to be high in nutrition. And they have a prize inside.”

“There's the tree with the branches that everyone sees, and then there's the upside-down root tree, growing the opposite way. So Earth is the branches, growing in opposing but perfect symmetry. The branches don't think much about the roots, and maybe the roots don't think much about the branches, but all the time, they're connected by the trunk, you know?”