“Calories don't count if they're connected to a celbration. Everyone knows this.”

“Everyone knows that if you buy chocolate with spare change, then the calories don't count.”

“If you buy chocolate with loose change the calories don’t count.”

“Cracker Jacks don't count as junk food because they're corn and peanuts, which we know to be high in nutrition. And they have a prize inside.”

“You could be the Mega Mage of wizards. You could rule Minionfire.Do you really think so?'Yeah, but you'd have to make a deal with the wood elves.'I don't like the wood elves.'They're okay. They're misunderstood.”

“That's how hospitals get you. You go in to visit and before you know it they got a camera stuck up your butt and they're looking' to find poloponies.”

“Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.”