“Cracker Jacks don't count as junk food because they're corn and peanuts, which we know to be high in nutrition. And they have a prize inside.”

“Calories don't count if they're connected to a celbration. Everyone knows this.”

“Everyone knows that if you buy chocolate with spare change, then the calories don't count.”

“I mostly eat peanut butter sandwiches. Peanut butter and banana, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and potato chips, peanut butter and olives, and peanut butter and marshmallow goo. So sue me, I like peanut butter.”

“Romance novels are birthday cake and life is often peanut butter and jelly. I think everyone should have lots of delicious romance novels lying around for those times when the peanut butter of life gets stuck to the roof of your mouth.”

“You could be the Mega Mage of wizards. You could rule Minionfire.Do you really think so?'Yeah, but you'd have to make a deal with the wood elves.'I don't like the wood elves.'They're okay. They're misunderstood.”

“As long as he has a house with two bathrooms. I swear to God, I don't care if he's Jack the Ripper.”